


Bountyhunter and Wiener Dog

by cryogirl



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Dogs, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:35:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24485986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryogirl/pseuds/cryogirl
Summary: Lorhetta and Linkita catch their dogs in flagranti, which leads to some interesting realisations.
Relationships: Lorhetta/Linkita, Rhett McLaughlin/Link Neal
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15
Collections: Good Mythical Self-Isolation





	Bountyhunter and Wiener Dog

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to mythicalsecretsanta for the prompt.
> 
> Very important: read in exaggerated Southern mom accent.
> 
> Enjoy?

  
Lorhetta and Linkita were having their usual gossip session after Saturday’s choir practice when it happened. They were sitting on the patio of Linkita’s house and drinking large cups of ‘special tea’, as Lorhetta liked to call the sangria wine that she always filled into Lipton’s bottles so that her son Tarmac wouldn’t be tempted to steal it for one of his secret parties.

Linkita looked around and asked: “Lorhetta, have you seen Anthony Wiener Dog? He always disappears lately, ever since Daughtry hit him with that baseball.”

“His aim hasn’t improved yet?” Lorhetta asked, taking another sip of ‘tea’ while glancing around the garden to see if she could find the dog. Linkita’s son Daughtry was a risk to everyone in the neighbourhood every time he took a baseball bat into his sweaty hands, but of course Linkita didn’t want to hear that. “I can’t see him, Linkita. Dog the Bountyhunter the Dog is gone too.”

They looked around until Linkita spotted a furry white paw poking out from behind one of the bushes at the end of the garden. “Look, there’s Dog the Bountyhunter the Dog!” She stood up and took the steps down from the patio into the garden. “Is she burrowing through my laurel? Lorhetta, your dog is burrowing through my laurel!” She turned around and shot her friend an accusatory glare, one hand on her hips and the other holding her sangria cup. 

Lorhetta followed her onto the lawn and shook her head. “No, Linkita, I am sure she is not. And if she is, well, then I’m sure it was Anthony who put her up to it. That dog is always up to no good, I tell you.” Linkita’s laurel shrubs needed to be replaced anyway, their sad yellow spots had been bothering Lorhetta for years now.

The women took a few more steps towards the bush, balancing on slightly unsteady feet due to the wine they already consumed that afternoon.  
Lorhetta was the first to peek behind the plants and gasped. “Linkita!” she exclaimed loudly. “Linkita, your dog is doing something indecent to Dog the Bountyhunter the Dog!” She waved her hand and tried to reach behind the bush. “Hey, Anthony, let go of her! Linkita, tell your dog to stop that!”

Linkita stepped over to her friend and now she saw it too: Anthony Wiener Dog was draped over Lorhetta’s white dog and humping her. Linkita immediately started to blush and her hand flew to her mouth. “Anthony! What are you doing to Dog the Bountyhunter the Dog?”

Lorhetta glared at Linkita and squealed: “What do you think he’s doing? He’s raping her!” The blonde fought her way through the shrubbery and scooped her dog up into her arms, giving Anthony Wiener Dog a small kick.

“Would you stop that, Lorhetta?” Linkita hissed. “I am sure Anthony didn’t do anything to your dog, if anything she seduced him. The way she’s always parading around with her tail up and her butt exposed, it’s indecent!”

Lorhetta’s face was bright red as she stepped back onto the lawn. “Are you implying that Dog the Bountyhunter the Dog is a…” she hesitated and put her hands over the dog’s ears “…a _floozy_?”

“Well, my Anthony is a decent dog. He wouldn’t do anything to her without her consent,” Linkita argued and stomped her foot on the ground. She wasn’t sure why she was so agitated all of a sudden. Maybe it was those heat flashes she’d been having all day, they often made her moody. Maybe it was that pink dress that Lorhetta was wearing, the one that showed of her broad shoulders and strong arms. 

“Linkita, would you stop tossing your hair around like that?” Lorhetta snapped at her. “It’s making me all flustered.” 

“Why don’t you stop dressing like that!? You’re givin’ me them heat flashes!” Linkita fanned her hand in front of her face to cool her hot skin down. Seeing the dogs engaging in these indecent activities must’ve done something to her, because for the first time in years she couldn’t stop staring at her friend’s mouth and cleavage.

Lorhetta put her dog down and looked at Linkita, blushing behind her long bleached hair. “I don’t think those are heat flashes, Linkita. I got them as well.”  
She closed the distance between them and gently took the cup Linkita was still holding. She lifted it to her mouth and emptied the entire wine in one big gulp.

“Lorhetta, don’t drink so fast, it’s not-” Linkita tried to say but in the next second her friend had tossed the cup into the bushes and grabbed Linkita’s face to place a long, hard kiss on her lips.

They were both taken by surprise when Linkita melted into the touch and opened her mouth to let Lorhetta’s tongue slip inside.

Lorhetta had never kissed someone so lewdly; she only knew it from the TV shows that she didn’t allow her children to watch. It was exciting to kiss like that, Linkita was so much softer than her husband and she tasted like the wine they’d been drinking.

They broke apart, both gasping for air. “Lorhetta!” Linkita exclaimed, clearly scandalised but also very happy according to the smile on her lips.

Lorhetta giggled softly and said: “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.”

“Well, me too,” Linkita replied. “I just didn’t think you’d want it, since you’re always talking about Ryan Gosling all day long.”

Lorhetta grinned. “Well, I wouldn’t say no to Ryan, but he’s nothing compared to you.”

“Stop it, Lorhetta, you’re giving me them heat flashes.” Linkita’s face had the colour of a ripe paprika. “How long have you been wantin’ to kiss me?” she asked curiously.

“Ever since you took them braces out and I could see your smile for the first time,” Lorhetta admitted.

“But Lorhetta, that was in high school! Why didn’t you ever say something?”

“Why didn’t you?”

Linkita thought for a few seconds. “Because it’s indecent, I guess.”

“Huh. Yes.” Lorhetta waited a while before she asked: “Are you happy with your husband, Linkita?”

Linkita started to nod instinctively, but when she really thought about it, no, she wasn’t. “No. Are you happy with Henry? Do… do you kiss him like that?” she asked and wondered why she felt a pang of jealousy at the thought of her friend kissing her husband the way they had done. 

“I never kissed anyone like that,” Lorhetta said, her hands playing with the hem of Linkita’s flowery blouse. She gave her a hopeful look and bit her lip before she asked: “Would you like to do it again?”

——

  
Exactly two months later Dog the Bountyhunter the Dog gave birth to five fluffy brown puppies on Lorhetta and Linkita’s bed. They’d been sleeping when it happened, tired from the move into their new house, but Linkita slapped Lorhetta’s shoulder excitedly and said “Look, look, they’re coming!”

Anthony Wiener Dog waited in front of the bed until the puppies were there, and he looked very smug when Lorhetta finally allowed him to meet them. 

Linkita smiled at Lorhetta and gave her a kiss, still a new and surprising thing to them; and only seconds later Tarmac bounded into the bedroom followed by his siblings and soon-to-be step-siblings to meet the latest addition to their blended family.


End file.
